P&V's Q&A

By Pustra and Vile-en

Dear Pustra and Vile-een,
I recently discovered a world of variety, vintage glamour, performance art and titillation which I never knew it existed! I am very excited to read about all things Burlesque/Cabaret/Vaudeville on sites such as MySpace, Facebook and of course Peeptoe Magazine! I have always loved to entertain and wondered; what do I need to do to make it as a performer on the scene?
Grace, London

Well darlinka where to start? We too were enthralled to discover this strange and quivering world online so many moons ago! The first thing we recommend you do is to sit down, get yourself a glass of liver wine and think about what it is you want to do. Are you a singer, a dancer, a song writer, a performance artiste or all of these? What is it that you want to express? How are you going to stand out from the hundreds of other performers that grace these fair shores and beyond? Most of all are you prepared to put in the hard work? Now, allow us to dust off Great Aunt Infatua's recipe book and turn to page 984. Ah-hah! Here we are - "How to make the perfect funeral pie"... No wrong page…Aah yessssss, here we are: "How to break onto the scene"..

Ingredients: You

Follow this recipe:

We do hope this has been of some help and best of luck
And do send us a telegram to keep us informed of your progress. If all fails. there's always "Bat Breeding" that seems to be lucrative, so we're told..! Now, anyone for funeral pie?

Dear Pustra/Vile-een,
What exactly IS Vaudeville?
- Toby, Edinburgh

Aah…What is Vaudeville? Oh my darlinka it is simply the most marvellous thing in the world! Pull up a pew and we will try our best to give you a brief background (we'll throw in a few titbits too):

No one can say for sure where the term "Vaudeville" originated from. The word Vaudeville is believed to have come from the French "voix de ville" meaning songs of the village or "vaux de ville" meaning worth of the city. Vaudeville referred to American variety entertainment and grew after the end of the Civil War. It was "clean" variety intended for families which included comedy, singing, acrobats, magicians, animals and dancing all in one night - all the acts were unrelated. For the punters with more "risqué" tastes, Burlesque Houses, Music Halls and Saloons were on offer!

- Some Theatres had continuous Vaudeville for up to 12 hours a day so acts would appear up to 3 times per day on stage.

- Successful acts toured most of the year playing theatres for "one nighters" or split-weeks. If you were playing "the big time" you worked on the Orpheum Circuit, a company who owned a series of Vaudeville theatres and Picture theatres.

- Famous Vaudeville headliners included the singer and comedienne Sophie Tucker.

It was believed Silent Films killed Vaudeville in the 1930's but the truth is that people's tastes simply changed and audiences were looking for something new. Of course it didn't help that most Vaudeville theatres converted to Picture houses and more and more theatres closed down. In the end many performers ended up on television or radio but the legacy of Vaudeville will always live on...

And here we are! Pustra/Vile-een bringing "unclean" variety back for the punter's of today!

Dear Pustra and Vile-en
How can I get red glitter to stick to my lips without ending up on my chin?? I've tried a variety of ways but I end up looking like I've dribble sherbet!!!
Miss Rose Thorne

My, my what a predicament you must be in... Dribbling glitter aint pretty! Not one bit! Fear not for we have spent long and sleepless nights trying a variety of different products just for you! After several botched attempts (first Vile-een’s lips fell off... They have since grown back thanks to Pustra’s home brewed miracle-growth elixir and then Pustra’s smackers grew as large as bratwurst... thanks to “Stump’s super-shrink spray” they are almost back to normal) we think we've come up with a solution!

First of all if you want an inexpensive option then try getting yourself some red glitter lipstick... Vile-een bought some from the Stargazer range (www.stargazer-products.com). The only problem is one has to reapply a lot but it doesn’t end up tryng to escape like Pustra’s leg hairs! We also were wondering what kind of glitter it is you are using? The best glitter to use for the face is the stuff you get at the craft store. A really fine dust. It is lighter and has more chance of staying put than the heavier chunks! The same applies for glitter-gels that can be bought... The larger particles are good for the body and the finer particles will lay on the lips a bit better! If you are hell bent on using loose glitter then invest in some “She-laq” from Benefit. It is a magic little blue bottle of the most wondrous kind (www.benefitcosmetics.co.uk)! It may be a little pricey at nearly 20 pounds but it lasts an eternity and the whole benefit range and website is just peachy! Similar products are Rimmel’s ‘Lipstick lock’ (http://www.rimmellondon.com/me/) and 'Lipcote' (available from most chemists).

So for super red glittery lips try red lipstick followed by a thin layer of clear lipgloss, dust with glitter and follow with a layer of She-laq. The great thing is it comes with various little brushes that you can use to apply to all parts of your face! You have to let it dry untouched for two minutes but after that you should be able to do everything from shaking your tassles to biting the heads off chickens at the carny show and still have sparkly pouters!

Et voila Miss Thorne! If all that fails there is always super glue!? Now back to the laboratory to work out how to cure the webbed feet we seem to have acquired since the start of this experiment... toodle pip!